January is considered a month of new beginnings, but for me, this January proved to be one filled with learning and self-discovery in different ways than I had hoped.
I continue to have the occasional battle with the eating disorder, and deal with some pretty intense anxiety and depression.
All of which are pieces of my life I was hoping would not be a part of the New Year, so I met them with a lot of resistance.
But I’m learning to accept that I may have some eating disorder thoughts and other negative thinking, and instead of resisting it, I can process it in a healthy way and it will pass.
I felt a lot of shame over feeling the anxiety and depression, but I was reminded that there is no shame in having those thoughts and feelings.
I can take a step back and breathe, stay in the present and ground myself in the truths.
When I have eating disorder thoughts, it is likely due to something going on in my life that I need to recognize and deal with.
There is a disconnect somewhere that needs my attention.
When I was going through this difficult time, I took a step back (with help from my therapist) and realized there was a lot going on that was bringing up old feelings of not being good enough and needing to do life better.
It’s important for me to remember that problems will exist, and it is up to me to accept, process, solve and move forward.
I’m enjoying what I’m learning and discovering that I am good enough, confident enough and at peace with my body.
It feels good to be a warrior and feel stronger.
Taking classes to accomplish a goal I have had for a long time encourages me to keep going through this recovery.
This January has not been what I expected it to be in the least bit, but I am grateful for new beginnings and I know there is so much more learning and discovery to be had.