CIRCLESOFCHANGE

How I'm Rewriting My Story in Eating Disorder Recovery

RecoveryOphelia's PlaceComment

There is a piano in my mom’s house that I have been playing since I was young. It still has pieces of tape with the names of the keys from when I was first learning how to play. It’s quite old and has been out of tune for some time.

Not too long ago, my mom turned it into a bookshelf. That instrument was used by me and others to express ourselves. It got worn with multiple children banging on it, but the inside of it still worked great. It may have needed a tune up at times, but it always had the same purpose.

This is similar to life.

We all have a body that is our instrument. We may not be able to see our insides, but we can listen to them and increase our awareness of the music in our heart.

I have spent so much time focusing on my outside appearance and using an eating disorder to try to alter it. No matter how much I used the eating disorder to change my outside appearance, I was stuck.

Once I discovered that I could listen to the music on the inside without focusing on the outside, I learned more about the true me.

Tuning to online support groups (through Ophelia’s Place) and working with my therapist have helped me to see this.

I have started to believe in myself and discover who I am on the inside.

I was reminded tonight to listen to what my heart is saying and what it needs.

When I feel uncomfortable in my body, it is because there is a disconnect somewhere between my brain and heart. I need to discover the truth of what is actually going on.

I have discovered that when I am the true me, I feel thankful and hopeful. I feel so much more joy and confidence, and the ability to be brave.

A few months ago I never thought of myself as being brave. I had been beaten down and lost the hope of continuing on with my journey through recovery and life.

I’ve been reminded that I am brave even though I may not feel it.

If I keep listening to my heart, the more brave I feel.

This year (2017), I felt brave enough to get another Master’s degree, but this time in counseling. I want to combine my OT background and counseling to do expressive therapies.

I want to help others to feel the freedom I have of living my true life instead of the eating disorder.

I am rewriting my story.

I am staying present in order to listen to my heart and invite it to speak.

Your body is an instrument meant to be played and heard.

It has a purpose and a heart that can powerfully speak if you just take the time to listen.

Listen to the truths that come out of it and allow that to be what is important.

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JESSICA DEVERICKS

WARRIOR FOR CHANGE